A little anecdote to start
About ten years ago, I gave a book as a Christmas gift to a friend, and she was thrilled. I was too, because it was my favorite book and I was sure she would love it just as much as I did.
A few months later, I visited her house and happened to see that book... in the donation bin. I was hurt by her rejection of my gift (and therefore of me). I was so ashamed that I never brought it up with her. Eventually, I even convinced myself that she didn’t like the book because the translation was poor.
It’s only after all this time, and much tidying up, that I can suspect another explanation which, knowing my friend, is more likely. The irony is that now it’s become my way of handling gifts, and I have to deal with some confusion from those around me.
So, what is a gift?
In Japan, there are several words for "gift." For example, プレゼント (purezento) is a gift given to someone when you return from a trip, like souvenirs (omiyage) est un souvenir de voyage, et on amène un 手土産 (temiyage) to your host when you are invited.
There are often meanings associated with the objects we give, but at its core, a gift is a message. It is used to convey an emotion—love, gratitude, esteem, etc.—from one person to another. Once the gift is received, the message is conveyed and it becomes an object like any other. So, if it inspires you with tokimekijoy, keep it and give it a place in your home. Otherwise, let it go with gratitude for the role it has played.
It's easy to say, I know. But don't you think allowing yourself to part with a gift you don't like is the best way tohonor the intention with which it was given to us ?
Giving and receiving gifts with grace
Based on this approach, here are a few suggestions that might be useful to you in the coming days:
- Giving with omoiyariOffering with omoiyari: Take the time to think about the other person and choose a gift that might bring them joy.omoiyari or the consideration you give is a gift in itself
- Give for the joy of giving: Offer without expectations, reducing the pressure that could spoil the gesture. If you can hand it over in person, the shared moment will also be a wonderful gift.
- Receive consciously: Consider the message that the gift conveys.
- Receive with gratitude: Sincerely thank the person who gave it to you, not only for the gift but also for their message and their omoiyari.
- Communicate your preferences tokimeki in advanceDon’t hesitate to ask for and give gift ideas to increase the chances of success. 😉
Giving and receiving gifts gracefully elevates the moment to an art form.